Baffled Rish! has a go at buttering up Biden, but even the chlorinated chicken is off the menu
John Crace
R‘My polls are rubbish, can’t do anything about inflation, the hospital waiting lists are up – I fancied a break, catch a ball game. High fives!’
ishi Sunak: Good morning Mr President. Joe Biden: Morning, er sorry, you are?
Sunak: It’s…
Biden: No, don’t tell me … It’s on the tip of my tongue. I’m sure I recognise you. You’re that guy who bought me that coffee in Belfast when I was over in Ireland.
Sunak: That’s right, Your Excellency. We also met in San Diego and Hiroshima.
Biden: Are you stalking me?
Sunak: No. I’m just a bit needy. We have a Special Relationship. Remember?
Biden: Do we? You’ll have to jog my memory …
Sunak: I’m the prime minister of the UK.
Biden: Of course. Good to see you, Rashi Sanook.
Sunak: It’s Rishi. Rishi Sunak.
Biden: Whatever. What brings you to Washington?
Sunak: I’m not sure really. Nothing’s going well at home. My polls are rubbish, I can’t do anything about inflation, hospital waiting lists are up. Anyway, I fancied a break. Plus I had loads of free airmiles after my brilliant Take Your Helicopter to Work scheme. And I wanted to catch a ball game. Go, Nationals! High five!
Biden: Glad, you’re having a nice time.
Sunak: So, what have you been up to?
Biden: Not a lot. Just a $1tn infrastructure act, fixing a two-year debt ceiling deal, fighting off the Republican crazies, other minor stuff. How about you?
Sunak: Rushed off my feet … don’t now where to start. But here goes. First I have been working on my five priorities. To halve inflation, grow the economy …
Biden: Sure. But what have you actually been doing?
Sunak: As I said, I have been working on my five priorities for the British people which I have promised. Let me tell you what my five priorities are. They are the five priorities on which I want the British people to judge me.
Biden: So, you haven’t really been doing that much?
Sunak: Well, as I said, my five priorities …
Biden: But what else?
Sunak: Well, let me see … I’m taking the Covid inquiry my government set up to court because it keeps asking for information that I want to keep secret. And I’m just about to OK Boris Johnson’s honours list.
Biden: So a disgraced PM still does the honours? Sunak: Sure …
Biden: You Brits crack me up. What else shall we talk about?
Sunak: How about a US-UK trade deal? Back in 2016 I and the Vote Leave team promised that an improved trade deal would be a Brexit bonus.
Biden: There’s no trade deal to be had any time soon. The UK’s not that big a deal since you left the EU.
Sunak: Not even a little deal? We’ll take the chlorinated chicken.
Biden: No chance. Maybe in five or 10 years. If then. Sunak: OK. But can we at least say we agreed not to talk about a trade deal?
Biden: If you like …
Sunak: It’d look good for my communique to the media. Oh, did I tell you about my five priorities? Biden: Is there anything else you want to say?
: My green card … any chance it can be renewed? I might need it again in a year or so.
Biden: Is that the time? Must be getting on.
National Politics
en-gb
2023-06-09T07:00:00.0000000Z
2023-06-09T07:00:00.0000000Z
https://guardian.pressreader.com/article/281672554342398
Guardian/Observer