We asked Guardian readers to tell us about the habits and rituals that help their relationships run like cloc

“My boyfriend and I have a rule where we’re not allowed to wear tracksuits in front of each other. He once told me that seeing me in a tracksuit every day was not good for our sex life. So since then, we’ve worn ‘sexy’ loungewear in the house together. It has saved our relationship.”

“If we bicker we remember a friend’s advice on arguing – in the heat of the moment say, ‘Would you rather be right, or would you rather be closer?’ It can snap you out of point-scoring and into remembering you love each other and want to resolve things.”

“We work out the one thing each of us needs to feel good about the week (a swim, a drink with friends) and strategise how to give each of us that thing.”

“We don’t go a day without some touch, even if it’s just a brief hug.”

“In the playground the other day, one of the dads was telling me about a couple who have a regime whereby every morning they give themselves a score between one and 10 to denote how they’re each feeling that day. They know their combined scores have to add up to 10 for them to manage with their kids. So it’s fine if one person is a three as long as the other is a seven. On days where they don’t add up, they have an emergency protocol to get through the day, which includes a ban on junk food, mandatory exercise and time to themselves.”

‘Say thank you. For everything. Keep vocalising your appreciation for what each of you do and it should stave off resentment’

“When one of us is being off with the other we don’t address it. I just go to another room and give him space, so that he starts to miss me. Then he will come looking for me, and vice versa. It’s the opposite of what you are supposedly meant to do (talk things through), but it’s created years of harmony.”

“The only way to align our home time in the evenings is if we are both invested in the same box set at the same time. It gets sticky now and again. I love football but I draw the line at devoting 90 minutes to the early rounds of the Carabao Cup. My husband watched one episode of Emily in Paris and refused to carry on … so I cheat sometimes by saying I’m going up for an early night and watching it on my laptop.”

“We try to go for a walk after the nursery drop-off in the morning, just to talk about stuff other than work or the kid and get a coffee. It can only happen if we are both working from home, but I look forward to it.”

‘My boyfriend turns the electric blanket on before he leaves for work at 6am so I wake up warm in bed. I’m never awake enough to say goodbye to him, so it’s a thankless task, but every day I wake up feeling cared for and loved’

“Whoever gets back from work first prepares a snack plate. This helps us readjust to being home, prevents hunger-induced arguments, and stops us scrounging for unhealthy nibbles before our evening meal.”

“My partner has anxiety and I have ADHD: we function because we’re aware of how much the other has left in the tank on a given day and where the gaps are. So in social situations, we have a safe word that, if either of us use, means we leave. Whether it’s anxiety-related or one of us is getting overstimulated, we respect and trust each other.”

“We rarely do public displays of affection but at home, we always hold hands on the sofa while watching TV, or give each other a little cuddle when we’re passing in the kitchen. It keeps us connected.”

“I mostly work from home, but on my partner’s days off I use a shared office space so she has the freedom of doing whatever she wants without me around.”

“My partner writes me Post-it notes and puts them in special places. She put one in my passport saying she loved me. I saw it when I was giving the passport to the immigration officer, who also noticed and said, ‘What a lovely note!’”

“My husband is usually in bed before me, so he’ll lie on my side to warm it up.”

“Every time we part for work in the morning he tells me he loves me. It never feels automatic or perfunctory, nor is it overstated. The sincerity in his voice is the verbal equivalent of the warmest, longest embrace.”

“My partner makes me a ‘sleepy time’ tea each night before bed and helps me with my crossword. There’s nothing like it when he gets the last word of a puzzle I’ve been stuck on for ages.”

“We each remember to wring out the dishcloth after use. This is an absolute non-negotiable and if it’s not done breeds utter contempt.”

“I wake up earlier than I need to in order to help my husband get up and out of the house with his lunch, a cup of tea and having eaten something. He’s not so good in the mornings. I’m not so good in the evenings, so he does the last-minute sweep before bed – putting the dishwasher on, packaging leftovers in the fridge and checking the doors.”

“If I have an event or important meeting my husband always irons a shirt for me – he knows I get flustered when I iron.”

“My wife and I have been together since we were 16. At 36 we moved in together when she became pregnant but remained in separate bedrooms. I never invite myself into my wife’s room. Some might say we cohabit like flatmates but we feel it helps maintain a degree of mystery – there is no complacency and the intimacy side of things is always fresh and exciting. I’m sure if we shared a room and bed we wouldn’t still be together.”

‘My spouse and I joke that the other three little words are “You were right.” Ideally, this is said with joy and admiration, but rueful admission is fine’

“We take walks where we each talk about three good and three bad things that happened that day. This creates a space to debrief and reflect, but also to share how we’re feeling about a particular event or something one of us might have said or done. It’s helps foster open and honest communication.”

“I was working a late shift on Valentine’s Day when a colleague was telling everyone that her husband had bought her a bunch of flowers. My husband arrived in the pouring rain with a hot homemade meal to ‘keep me going through my shift’. I knew what I would rather have – and so did he.”

“I always forget to charge my toothbrush, but once every few weeks I come home to find it charging in the bathroom. My husband’s been doing it for nearly three years now but it still makes me smile.”

“My husband and I have three children under five so our home is full, alive, loud and a total mess. Every day, it looks like it has been raided, and every night we’re cleaning poo off a carpet or peeling stickers off a shoe. Once everyone is asleep, without saying a word or asking if I need it, my husband will open his arms wide and pull me in. For as long as I need. When the hug is over, I’ve been recharged.”

“When my partner senses I’m stressed or on edge, he massages that tension out of my shoulders. He is quite knowledgable about the human body, pressure points, where tension builds and how to release it; he has a strong yet gentle and effective touch. When someone devotes time and effort to try to help you, it gives you a feeling like no other.”

“My partner always asks me if I want a drink at 6pm, when I’m usually preparing a meal for the family. It doesn’t have to be alcoholic, but just for him to come in and ask is one of the best moments of my day.”

‘A non-negotiable is our “we time”, usually on a Sunday evening, when we are partners and not parents. The main goal is to have quality time and sex together. So no TV, no phones – just us, candles, music, a fire and time to let the romance grow’

“I fold the end of the toilet paper in a triangle like they do in hotels. My girlfriend says it makes her feel incredibly loved and looked after.”

“My husband always defrosts my car and pumps up my bike tyres and oils my chain (not a euphemism). I recommend marrying a bike mechanic.”